"I am Here."

Salaam Minara Family,

Today, we’re sharing a story with you that was kindly shared [and adapted] for Minara.

Not too long ago, I found myself in the muddy stronghold of depression. Grief deluged me and normality was completely erased.

Some of my lived experiences from this period are hazy but there is an encounter I recall. I say recall, but imagine being a participant in a real-life game or wearing 3D glasses and breathing and living every sensation. That is how vividly I remember this. The sensation I describe is one of heaviness when it was time to pray.

I would wait until the very end time of the prayer. In the moment, it almost didn’t make sense to pray right, because I keenly felt my loss and subsequent despair. A unspeakable heaviness would descend as I would try and leave my bed.

I didn’t want to pray and my heart was relaying this to my body.

I remember the dull thud of my sujood as both my body and heart felt the weight of opposition.

I remember crying in these prayers because I didn’t want to pray. But strangely, I would also cry because I wasn’t worthy of praying, yet there I was praying and the thought was baffling. The physicality of the salah actually felt demanding as though I was being forced to scale a mountain.

As heavy as those thoughts are, the important thing is that I prayed. And I prayed because Allah wanted me to. In those dark days, though I didn’t know it then, the salah, in whatever state it found me, was my anchor tethering me to a static reserve of faith and hope. In my misery, Allah was calling me to Him.

Every time you stand on your musallah, it’s one more expression of Allah’s love for you. He is personally inviting you in His company.

Today, I sometimes smile at the lightness of my sujood. No, it is not perfect. In fact, it is very much unworthy because of my hastiness and my inattentiveness. But the sujood I make today is tethered to the sujood of yesterday.

❣️

These are three tips we’ve collated in the event of struggling to find the motivation to pray.

1. Know that Shaytan is the one trying his devilish best to stop you from praying. Sometimes, being aware of this fact enables you to follow Allah's word rather than that of the cursed Iblees.

2. See the prayers as your personality; "I pray five times; that's who I am and that's not open for discussion. Wherever I go, whoever I'm with, whatever the situation. I pray and that's it. Non-negotiable."

3. After tashahhud and before salaam, as a way of thanks and request for further guidance, recite the following du’a:

   اللّهُـمَّ أَعِـنِّي عَلـى ذِكْـرِكَ وَشُكْـرِك ، وَحُسْـنِ عِبـادَتِـك

   ‘O Allah, help me to remember You, thank you, and worship you perfectly.’

   ^{[Abu Dawud 2/86 and an-Nasa’i 3/53]}

“They abandon their beds, invoking their Lord with hope and fear, and donate from what We have provided for them. No soul can imagine what delights are kept in store for them as a reward for what they used to do.”

^{[al-Qur’an 32:16-17]}

The night is remarkably still. The sky is blanketed with only darkness and the air is uninvitingly cold. You toss and turn, fighting the sweet urge to sleep and the quiet whispers of Shaytan tempting you to stay right there. But instead, you leave the warmth of your bed and shiver as the rods of cold strike your body. You begin to make wudhu and are greeted with a blast of frigid water. Yet, you complete ablution and begin your salah. 🌑

And up in the Heavens, Allah gathers His angels together and with joy commands them to look at you. This servant of His who has left his warm bed, and is performing wudhu in these somewhat challenging conditions.

If Allah can look joyfully at a person because of his *small* sacrifice in the face of physically-demanding conditions, how do you think Allah looks at a person resisting and fighting in the face of mentally-demanding circumstances? 💟

This verse is a soothing balm to the heart of an aching believer who struggles, resists and fights every day to pray salah.

Any veil that can be imagined, Allah is closer to the human being and his heart than this veil and comes before it.

What does this mean in theory?

Whatever understanding a human being reaches, he reached only because Allah allowed him to. Allah gave him control over his faculties and every individual sense that moulds human perspective.

What does this mean in practice?

When you manage to get up and read your salah, whatever the circumstance, you’ve only been able to do so because Allah willed it for you. Being as close to your heart as He is, Allah took that goodness He saw in your heart and inspired you with further goodness, the manifestation of which in this case is salah.

May you be forever inspired with goodness and light and may you stay steadfast on your salah journey. ❣️

With hope and du’as,

The Minara Team